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How to Stand Up to Your Inner Mean Girl

“You don’t deserve it.”

“Who do you think you are?”

“This will never work out for you, you know that, right?”

Recognize that voice? It’s the voice of your Inner Mean Girl.

She’s negative. She’s catty. She’s judgmental.

She compares your worst to everyone else’s best – in her eyes, you lose every time.

She spews cruel words at you and makes you feel like you are in 7th grade again. Your Inner Mean Girl’s favorite thing to do is to make you feel small, inadequate, and unworthy. She’s always finding evidence to prove her theory: you are not enough.

It’s time to stop letting her run the show!

Try the three steps below to stand up to your Inner Mean Girl once and for all:

• Identify your Inner Mean Girl’s Top 10 List of places, situations and environments where she likes to show up and criticize. Is it at work? Social events? In bed? Whenever you look in the mirror? Once you know what circumstances are likely to trigger her, you can be better prepared to deal with her.

• Next, draw a picture of your Inner Mean Girl. Is she fat with big glasses? Perfectly pressed and all in pink? A slob with a cigarette in one hand and a martini in the other? Don’t worry if you think you can’t draw – no one will ever see this but you, so go for it! And if you really don’t want to draw, can you find an image in a magazine or on the Internet that captures your Inner Mean Girl? It’s important that you have a clear mental image of that voice that tortures you.

• Get to know your Inner Mean Girl. Notice what makes her happy and notice what makes her power diminish. What happens if you just yell “Shut up!” at her? What if you just look her calmly in the eye and reassure her that everything is going to be all right? Maybe she needs a compliment every now and then? After all, Inner Mean Girls need love, too.

I’ve got news for you: your Inner Mean Girl is a liar.

She tells you big fat lies to try to maintain the status quo and keep you in your comfort zones. Even if your comfort zones aren’t all that comfortable. For example, poor body image, constant financial distress or any kind of addictive behavior can be an area where your Inner Mean Girl thrives. She will tell you over and over again that “you can’t change,” and “you’re a loser.”

But that’s a lie. You can change and you are certainly not a loser. In fact, you are magnificent.

Once you realize that she is a liar, see if you can’t catch her lying to you. (Hint: whenever you’re feeling bad about yourself, she’s probably right there with a megaphone.)

Then do this simple three-step process to see through your Inner Mean Girl’s lies:

• What is my Inner Mean Girl saying? Write it down. Can you identify the lies?

• What does my higher self/inner wisdom believe? Write it down. Can you see the truth? (Hint: it helps to sometimes close your eyes and take a deep breath before asking this question. The truth is always there, waiting to set you free.)

• Now write down an action you want to take in light of this new information. Is there something or someone you need to commit to? Something you must stop doing? A new perspective you will hold? Do you need to forgive yourself or someone else?

Here is the truth: your Inner Mean Girl is really a voice of insecurity and anxiety. Uncertain of her own power, she becomes a bully. Once you start really listening and writing down her rants and accusations, it’s easy to put her in her place.

The truth is, you are fabulous.

And I know, because my Inner Wisdom told me so.

Make sure to visit to find out about our 10-week Inner Mean Girl Reform School!



  1. Meg says:

    Hi Amy!

    I found your website through the Maestro Conference link. You are doing amazing work!

    I am astonished about how worlds are connected. I am currently revising a talk I did last Friday on a very similar topic of the “Mean Girl”…for a new group this Friday. Finding inner strength to witness the “voices” is also a passion of mine. And, particularly…helping single moms do this.

    I am a coaching practitioner at The Center for Inner Knowing/School of Humanity and Awareness. We are trying to find avenues ‘get the word out’ about this fabulous resource. (

    I am wondering if you would be willing to give me some information about how you got involved in the Maestro Conference and how we might pursue speaking in a future conference.

    Also, please consider us a resource to send clients for group work. Our weekend workshop “IK” is an amazing resource to help folks get “fed” the energy needed to hear and witness the mean voices. Would love the opportunity in the future to talk, collaborate, etc., if your time permits.

    I am familiar with the adventures of raising a toddler….I have a 4 year old boy myself who is bundles of energy!!

    Sending love and much respect,


    Looking forward to hearing you on the Conference Call!

  2. Amy Ahlers says:


    Thanks so much for this and forgive me for not responding sooner. I was actually contacted by MaestroConference about doing MaestroMonth through a contact from one of my Women Masters. You may want to reach out to them directly about doing a class.

    Thanks for the kind words–I love the serendipity!


  3. pj beaudoin says:

    I used your truth to squash “the inner mean girl” within me who was trying to control my life and make me a slave. Thank you.

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  7. […] America if I left, that I would be a big fat loser and everyone would laugh at me (thank you, Inner Mean Girl).  I am now of the mindset that to truly enter into the next realm and era of my life, I need to […]

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Wake Up Call Coaching

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