Dear One,
It’s time I spilled the beans on my Inner Good Girl that shows up and wrecks havoc on my life.
Perhaps you can relate?
You know that part of you that has you saying YES, when you really mean NO. She has you PEOPLE PLEASING like nobody’s business. The part of you who is on a mission to BE LIKED no matter what the cost.
Here’s just one of the “cra-cra” ways my Inner Good Girl loves to show up.
Picture this: I’m on a run, getting my groove on. Rocking out to my tunes as I circle the lake. I’m sweating, feeling the high, when I begin to catch up to another runner.
It looks like I’m going at a bit of a faster pace than this stranger on the path. She’s doing her thing, I’m doing mine. I’m about to pass her. It’s all good. Personal best right?
Then my Inner Good Girl kicks in. This is what goes on in my head:
“Ummmm…excuse me, Amy? You’re about to pass another jogger. You can’t do that! What if it makes her feel bad?
You should really slow down. Don’t show her up! She might feel bad about herself. Her Inner Comparison Queen (more on her to come…especially when I get passed by a faster runner!) might start beating her up. SLOW DOWN!”
Do you see the insanity here? What the what?!
I have NO IDEA about this other person’s experience. And yet my Inner Mean Girl, showing up as the Good Girl Archetype, has kicked in, trying to hijack my run.
Every time this happens I have to talk my Inner Mean Girl down off the ledge. Remind her that it’s OK for me to run faster. And that it’s OK for me to SHINE. That I’m safe. That all is well.
Can you relate? Let me know your Good Girl experience here (below).
I’m so grateful that I’ve reformed my Inner Good Girl. That I know how to deal with her and her insanity. Don’t get me wrong. She still shows up. But now I’ve got her number. I can feel her coming from a mile away.
My Inner Good Girl doesn’t get to make my choices anymore.
That’s the beauty of reforming your Inner Mean Girl.
If you have a Inner Good Girl I challenge you to say NO today. I challenge you to shine, trusting that you’ll inspire the people around you.
Let me know how it goes (below), OK?
Off to run as fast as I can,
P.S. The Good Girl is one of the 13 different types of Inner Mean Girl Archetypes that Christine Arylo and I have uncovered in our work together. Want to find out what type of Inner Mean Girl you have?
GO HERE to take the free Inner Mean Girl Quiz and discover what type of Inner Critic you have (a Good Girl, Comparison Queen, Achievement Junkie, Worry Wart or ??)
Hi Amy, Oh I can absolutely relate to this. I had the exact reverse situation occur to me yesterday. I’m the woman who can’t jog, because I’m not in shape and also because I travel with a guide dog and it’s not safe when blind to run with your dog. I do walk very quickly and have a great time, though, and here is what my inner good girl does. I hear a person run by me, going much faster than me, and I think, “I ought to speed up. If I don’t, she’ll pass me, and then she’ll feel bad for being faster and outstripping the blind person on the trail. I can’t let her feel bad about herself, and I’ll feel bad if she feels bad.” Then I push myself even when I shouldn’t. The small self won’t ever let you be exactly what and who you are, will it? At least I notice much faster now and correct for this and remind myself I’m enough and, importantly, am not responsible for how others feel.
WOW! Ellis thank you so much for this incredible story. My Inner Good Girl and your Inner Good Girl should do lunch! 🙂
Hi Amy: my inner good girl feels guilty everytime I stand up for myself. Because I always try to please, then sometimes when is it to much I get angry, and then I feel so guilty. Hate seeing people unhappy. Then I loose confidence in my judgement.
Thank you for all your wisdom
I feel so guilty about not spending enough time with my Dad (he’s almost 85 and in good health). My Mom passed away 2 years ago leaving him behind after 60 years of marriage. I live close by unlike my two sisters. I see him at least two times a week, call him and usually share at least one dinner or lunch with him. So, my Inner Mean Girl keeps telling me that I’m not spending enough time with him. I feel like I have to fill in for Mom???
Yes Amy, I was riding on my bike going under a tunnel, up the other side, slight hill, as I was going up the hill I was gaining up to an elderly man on his bike. Then I had this feeling saying to myself ” maybe he will get annoyed/upset/or feel he is not good enough if a women overtakes him?” I was feeling sorry for him!
Wow! I thought this is strange! Why am I worrying about someone I don’t even know? Then I just overtook him and carried on my journey. Sometimes i think about the old biker how strange an experience that was.