Dear One,
Here’s a snapshot of my morning…
1:17am…get up to pee
3:24am…get up to pee
4:16am…Annabella comes in the room to get a hug because she had a weird dream
4:32am….Check on Annabella and…you guessed it…pee
4:46am…tossing and turning, aching and shooting pains in my legs, hips, pelvis
5:34am….give up trying to sleep more and get up to take an Epson Salt bath
6:05am…do restorative yoga
6:29am…sit down to write to you!
Now given that I am nearly 38 weeks pregnant (a full term pregnancy is roughly 40 weeks…although Annabella came at 42 weeks!), this may not surprise you. After all, the last few weeks of pregnancy for the vast majority of women are at a minimum uncomfortable. Especially when it comes to sleeping. Our bodies need to pee A LOT!
Unfortunately, I also am experiencing something new with this pregnancy. About 2 weeks ago I started feeling intense pain in my pelvic area, especially when putting on my pants and trying to balance on one leg. At first I thought it was the baby’s position or just the normal end of pregnancy junk. But the pain quickly escalated and became more constant. I’m now left with grinding pain internally in my pelvis that radiates out into my groin. Add to that the hip pain I’ve had through out pregnancy and you get one cranky mama! (I likely have Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction or SPD, which happens in about 25% of pregnancies).
At any given moment you can find me hobbling through my house with a pelvic belt on (likely heading to the bathroom!) or propped up on the couch curled up with my pregnancy pillow and a heating pad or ice pack (sometimes with my computer next to me as I work on my next book!). My intention was to be hiking and dancing right up until I went into labor…I guess the baby, my body and The Universe had other plans.
So what is one to do when experiencing pain…physical or otherwise? Are we meant to get lost in a daze of feeling sorry for ourselves? (I say YES, at least for a day or two!) Or are there other options?
Given the nature of my work and passion, I’m always investigating the higher purpose for anything that shows up in my life. I find this experience on the one hand fascinating (and yes totally annoying, disappointing and frustrating on the other hand!).
As I’ve been preparing for childbirth and I’ve been exploring how to mindfully and gracefully BE WITH pain. I’ve been devouring and studying the amazing book Mindful Birthing and doing a wonderful hypno-birthing program. It has been so valuable to bring all of my mindfulness and daily practice tools to childbirth. To simply notice pain, be with it, and essentially drop the suffering story we often attach to it. To stop the fear spiral that can often get triggered in moments of pain.
So, I’m curious, where in your life are you experiencing pain? Physical pain, emotional pain, soul pain, mental pain? What would it be like for you to drop the story of the pain, stop the suffering and simply be with the TRUTH of the pain?
For me, I notice that if I’m truly present, there are times when I’m 100% pain free. Then there are times, like this morning, where my pelvis burns and grinds, my hips ache, my groin fires electrical surges through my legs and I can simply be still and observe it. Not lean into it, not buy into it. Just BE.
And then there are times where I begin to go into the story of the pain…and my Inner Mean Girl begins to take over and send me down a rabbit hole of fear. I begin anxiously asking how long will this last? What does this mean for my labor? What if the baby is 2 weeks late like Annabella and I have to be with this for a full 4 weeks!? What if I don’t make a full recovery? Why is this happening to me? And on and on and on.
Can you see how much more suffering I’m causing myself? It’s astounding!
So I go back to my breath. And go back to simply noticing what is here right now. And then I do some yoga or I call a friend for support or I cry to get a release. Or I put on one of my hypno-birthing tracks.
Where in your life can you be more mindful and simply BE WITH what is?
With a deep breath,
Thank you for your honesty, it is good to know you’re not alone. Hang in there, I know first hand your pain and you u WILL get through it. You are doing all the right things so just relax and let your body and mind have as much peace as possible right now. Xoxo best wishes for a very bright tomorrow!
Hi Amy, I am 32 weeks pregnant and have had a similar experience to you. The pelvic discomfort has been intense at times. I’m also practicing hypnobirthing, and it’s a great way to envision my body relaxing around an area of tension or pain. One thing that has helped immensely is seeing an osteopath who practices craniosacral therapy – my tailbone and pelvis love it when we go for a session:) My challenge is recognizing that sometimes there is nothing I can do (i.e. control) and that I just have to let go and trust in my body and my baby, and the process we’re experiencing. Thanks for your inspiring work and I wish you a beautiful birth!
Thanks so much Megan! I’m also getting regular cranial sacral treatments, as well as chiropractic adjustments. Both are helping…and the pain is often still there. Releasing control & trusting indeed.
Sending LOVE for your pregnancy to be healthy and for a wonderful, ease-filled delivery!
Oh, Amy, I hear your early birthing pains through your blog-pages! Ouch! Not fun! But the glory will be sooooo worth it!
There are two words in the word, pain. Write back & tell me what
they are…you know them, I’m sure. Whatever, they will bring you a smile when you think of them!
Love & Best Wishes on your babe’s new birth!!
Blooming Rose Janice
Hey Amy,
I so needed to hear this today. I’m on a short – 2 week – break from grad school between quarters and was SO looking forward to the break, and then I got sick with a sore throat and cold. I’ve been really pissed off about that this sickness is messing with my break and playing all kinds of angry mind games that made it worse, so thank you for reminding me that it does no good and to just go with the pain and stop making it worse. Also, I remember that groin pain was much worse with my second pregnancy too – hang in there, you’ll be holding that baby soon.
Melanie
Amy~
I am sorry for your pain………. I feel the weight myself of a birthday passing, single, snow kept me from going out to CA to visit my dad and not getting apay raise for 5 years. That is my pain……….what is……I am healthy, beautiful and have a good life as Kristine Carlson wrote ” It’s not what people say to us that matters most; its what we say to ourself! Remember to LOVE me more and STARR- surrendar, trust, accept, release,and receive what the divine wants for me!
Hi Amy,
Thank you so much for sharing. I’m feeling your groin pain as I have it recurring and spreading down my right leg. It started in my first pregnancy. It always rears itself if I sit with my knees to my chest. I have a high tolerance to pain but sometimes that gets me to weep. So I breathe and I focus on my breath. One thing I’ve learned from doing Qi Gong for many years is that if we focus on our breath it’s near on impossible to focus on anything else, and deep diaphragmatic breathing puts the body into healing mode, especially if your in a resting position with slightly elevated feet.
Something so helpful that my first midwife told me when I was in childbirth is if you have loose lips (as in mouth lips) you will be loose and free downstairs. Even now if I feel contracted or pain in my lower body, I blow out of mouth like I’m blowing bubbles and any lower tenseness goes away.
I prayer for your comfort and ease and wish for you to have a most beautiful birthing X
Hi Amy, I am a birth doula and just witnessed the most amazing transformation at a birth. when I arrived at the women’s house she was overcome with fear, throwing up and crying…we worked on being relaxed and surrendering to the pain and just when the contractions were starting to get really intense she found the strength to trust the power of birth and let go of her fear and suffering. Suddenly the pain was gone! She was laughing and enjoying each contraction! It was truly beautiful, and I wish the same for you. Blessings!